Ok, so I wimped out and didn't bring my laptop out to the pool to blog. It's been so nice lately, that I've been bringing my book out there and reading in the sun. When I get too hot, I take a dip for a few minutes and then sun dry. After watching a couple games (the end of the FIFA USA vs Brazil game, and the Mariner's game) I didn't really feel like writing just then, and decided to again bring out my book.

Emma's reading the Wheel of Time series and keeps asking the incredulous question, "How could you not like these books?" She's only on book two. I think that's all I should have to say about that. But something about her makes me care when she thinks something's wrong with my views. I don't get it, and it's getting on my nerves. On a side note, I think when I'm done with the Sword of Truth series (now about a quarter into book 9), and had planned to pick Wheel of Time back up, I think I'll reread the first 5 and a half again, rather than trying to remember everything that happened. It should be a quicker read this time, having already read it, but then, I read Eldest in a day the first time, and in a month or so the second time.

Finding a new church has given me a new view of things. There are a lot of things to think about, and a lot of differences between churches and doctrine and such. There was a song maybe a decade ago by Clay Crosse called Savin' The World, which basically suggested that churches bicker too much, and that it's about a man - dying on a cross - saving the world; rising from the dead - doing what he said he would do. I have issues because I agree with that statement, but I also agree that there needs to be sound doctrine being taught. I think you're liable to miss something if you simplify scripture that much.

The church I attended this morning, which I'll give at least one more week's consideration, is a liturgical church, meaning it's the same structure every week. It seems like they don't do it out of tradition, but for a structure, so that they don't miss anything, maybe. Somehow it doesn't feel odd to me, even though I grew up in a more laid back contemporary setting. The sermons have this huge focus on reading the scriptures and digesting it, plain and simple. The churches I've previously attended tended to do something more like this: take a section of scripture, pull out the major themes, and then pull in more scripture from elsewhere in the Bible to make a point, and to say something about living. Personally, as I've never been able to digest or read between the lines of any scripture besides rare epiphanies, I prefer the method this church offers. I wonder, though, if this misses something, misses the bigger picture. Maybe there's room for both, or for a mix. I preferred Lulu's, Solomon's, and Josh's sermons at CCF and the INN to the ones here, and they were all topic-driven.

This church focuses on preaching the Gospel, making it all about Jesus, and during the sermon today, a question came to mind: Is there more to Christianity than Jesus? It sounds like a simple enough question. But I want to assertively answer yes and no in parallel, and that doesn't make sense to me.

I don't know. Maybe what I just wrote was blasphemous, but I don't know which side would be. Maybe they're both right; maybe they're both wrong.

I was talking to a guy after the service today. I mentioned that I couldn't decide what I thought about the church. I think I wrote this in a previous post, but I remember a night at CCF that we just felt like worshipping more after the service. It was probably Spirit-led, but it was also joyfully led. We just were filled with joy and the best outlet we had at hand was more singing. About half the students there that night stayed and sung more. I was running Powerpoint that night, and Rufus went up and just sang whatever came to mind. He and the band hadn't practiced at all. I scrambled to find the songs in the database and put up the lyrics. Sometimes the songs weren't on the computer, and oh well. Somehow we managed. My guess is most of the students knew most of the lyrics by heart anyway. It's one of my favorite memories of CCF. I don't think that an experience like that could occur, even if the Holy Spirit willed it, at this church. I don't think it could have at the church I grew up in. I know it could have at the INN. Anyway, I sited that experience to the guy and asked whether he thought it could. He said something that sort of turned me off; he said something to the effect that such experiences were immature, or part of a phase you grow out of. Basically that college is a good time for experimentation. I don't know if that's what he meant, but that's how it came across to me. For better or for worse, it painted the church as a little smug in my eyes, that if you aren't a liturgical church, you're doing it wrong, or you haven't grown.

If I don't find a church with the same oomf, the same excitement, the same joy as the INN or CCF, I think I'm going to be bored. Just because I was spoiled with something that wonderful, doesn't mean I should have to accept something less now that I'm not in college, not when it comes to Christianity. There's certainly something to be said for all hype and no substance. That's my prejudiced view of megachurches. I've only been to one, once, in my life, and I won't say it was substance free, but I don't think you can deep-dive with a congregation that size, and maintain that size. I might very well be wrong. But I think there is also something to be said for all doctrine, all the time. If there's not that spark, that spirit, that nondeterministic unstructured relationship, then maybe that's not as deep as you would think.

I think I've figured out how to place my finger on what's different. In all the churches I've been to, save Harper back home and sometimes LatR, since I left college, the songs were sung almost out of obligation. It seemed like going through the motions. How can we call that worship? Woship needs to be heartfelt! If we love Christ, then we will worship him, we will sing and make music. We will do it because we cannot contain ourselves. We love him. That is true worship, in my mind. Just singing because that's what you do in church -- that is dead.

Anyway, I'm hoping to meet one of the pastors for lunch this week. Also, the worship leader's husband wanted to get coffee with me sometime soon, so that might be this week. Also, the pastor of my old church had said last week he'd send me an S+ for lunch, but he never did. I'm guessing he got busy and forgot, so today I sent him an email asking if we were still going to do this. It should be good. I soak this stuff up. I love talking about God; I don't think I'd ever tire of it, because there is so much to talk about.

And now for something completely different. Hime a few weeks back asked, what I think was offhandedly, if I would take a week off and go be a counselor at her summer camp. At first I kind of laughed it off, especially with how busy we are at work. But the more I thought about it, the more I felt like God was pushing me toward it, so I brought it up with my boss, whom I'd previously told I hadn't planned to take vacation this summer. I phrased the question this way: "If, in the super hypothetical, highly unlikely event I get a week ahead in my work by late July or August, could I take a week off...?" He said that even if I didn't get ahead, that I should. So, I will. Odds are, it will be the July 20-25, but I need to double check that that's late enough and doesn't overlap some major due date or something.

The meds I'm on, dare I say it, have made me more than I used to be (avoiding at all costs the phrase "a new person"). I feel more creative, more willing, more active and energetic, more appreciative, and even more likely to enjoy the presence of kids. There are definitely still some issues to work through, but I think working through all the issues would still leave me as I was to some degree, and that I'd still need the meds I'm on. I'm actually on a very minor dosage. When I went to the full dose, I lost almost all of my appetite, and was actually crankier than on the 2/5 dose.

Well, I'm off to Swood's to see Transformers and have dinner with him, Bob and Bob's version of Hime.

P.S. Continue to refresh every few seconds, because it appears I'm still blogging. Also, I have a cat on my arm. It's hard to type.

And just when they least expected it, BAM! A post.

Three months, I believe, is the longest I've gone without imparting my lustrous pearls of wisdom upon you, since September of 2004. I'm not sure how much longer I'll actually maintain this blog. It's hard to call it a blog when there've been four posts this year, and we're now in June. It doesn't matter to you RSSers because it'll show up whenever there is a post, but to those of you who frequent my site, it's just unfair to expect you to refresh every few seconds when the frequency of my posts is so drastically reduced of late. Thus, this may be my last post, it may not be. You'll just have to sit there and refresh to find out.

About two months ago, I finally committed to finding a new church. It took a lot of will and thought in order to do it. Honestly, the best way I can describe it is breaking up with a girlfriend. You don't want to, but you know you need to, because things aren't right. Then, afterward, because you don't want there to be hard feelings, you don't know how long to wait before calling (the pastor). Can we still be friends?

Meanwhile, finding a new church has been difficult. There are tons of churches around, and I've visited two. The first one confused me, because it was really traditional, and yet they had a female pastor. I don't have issues with a female pastor, except maybe as the head pastor, which this woman wasn't, but it seemed contradictory to me to have all those rituals and traditions, and then break with one that's so deeply rooted in history. Anyway, I was the only person, on the day that I attended, between the ages of 16 and 30, so with that, coupled with other things, I decided to move on.

The next church I visited had two services. Typically, in my experience, if a church has two services and they differ, the earlier one is more traditional, and the later is more contemporary. Turns out it was switched at this church. I'm not entirely sure why I visited it in the first place. I think maybe I was tired of looking at websites, so I just decided to go to the one of the last website I looked at. The reason I don't know why I went, is that the only theological statement on their site (which was wildly outdated, having a form to sign up for VBS 2007), I disagreed with. The Methodist Church believes in open communion, that is, invites any and all to come celebrate/recognize communion. I'm still learning, and I suspect I'll never finish learning, about communion and what it means, but to me it's always been a bit of solemn remembrance and reverence, so it's hard for me to reconcile the word "celebrate" with the sacrament. I've heard plenty of sermons on the topic, and most were good, made sense, some describing it as I've always viewed it, and some describing it as a celebration, a feast, almost like a memorial -- "More of a celebration than a funeral." However, as I've read it, in 1 Corinthians 11, Paul makes it rather clear that it's not to be done lightly, it's not to be irreverently, or they'll eat and drink judgment on themselves. I've always seen it as the church's job to at least warn nonbelievers of this, which contradicts my understanding of open communion. But like I said, I'm still learning about this topic. Bill pointed out, when I brought it up, that Paul was speaking to Christians, and earlier in the passage, he points out segregations in the church, and how they were eating this food without waiting for people to get there, so people went hungry, which completely misses the point, so they were eating and drinking judgment on themselves. That is, it was a rebuke toward Christians, and certainly not a let's exclude nonbelievers kind of thing. I've never thought of that passage as an exclusion -- only a call to protect.

The first week I went to the traditional service, which was much like the Presbyterian church I'd gone to a couple weeks before, so I'd decided I wasn't going to visit again. On the way out, the pastor mentioned that the earlier service was more contemporary, so I decided to give it one more shot. There really was little difference, except that the songs were sung with what felt like a Christian summer camp campfire gathering, rather than a bell choir. I don't think this is any less worshipful than my tastes, but, as I just said, it's not to my tastes; it's not how I best worship. I just need a drum a lot of the time.

After I had decided to visit this second church on the night I was looking up churches, I clicked one last link for a church that looked promising, so I think I'll visit that one next. Also, today, Emma sent me an alias for Christian Microsofties, whose OnJoin event sends an email saying they try to help people find churches.

Work's been rough lately. I've spent several nights there past 8, and a couple days during weekends. We're down to crunch time and everyone's stressed and on edge. Just how it goes I guess. I've got a few responsibilities now, which is nice and not nice at the same time. Until my manager started intervening (for which I've been thankful) I'd been the goto guy for deployments gone awry, and whenever you use a goto, raptors attack. Since he started taking a lot of the heat off me, fending back raptors, I've been able to get some real code done. I really enjoy that part. I think tomorrow I'll finally be able to check in that code. I probably would have today, but I went home sick after lunch.

This week I've been watching my sister's cat and ferret while she gallivants through London. Her boyfriend surprised her by buying tickets for himself to come visit during her last week in Europe, so I'm taking her pests, *clears throat* excuse me, pets while they're away. Kiki (the ferret), I think, is sick. When I knew her, she was super active, like her counterpart (who died a few years back), running around, exploring, flirting with death. Now she hides in a hole she found in my kitchen, only coming out to poop on the floor of my bathroom. Thankfully, she always poops in the same corner and isn't deterred by newspaper there, so that works out. I don't know if this is a passing thing, or if it's the result of the Advil incident a few months ago. At any rate, I doubt there's much I could do for her, and I haven't told my sister because I didn't want to ruin the end of her Europe trip.

Tomtom, aka Jingles the cat, for the first day was content to sit in his carrying case until I finally dragged him out to be social. Since then, he's been too social and won't shut up. He walks around making that cat moaning sound. He also plays the victim. I'm pretty sure he insults my cats, and then when they hiss at him, he acts all emo because no one likes him. At first, I attempted to scold my cats for hissing at him, and so they stopped until he really started to bug them, and I kept a closer watch to see what happens. Now I let him wallow in his own self pity, and throw him out of my room if he wakes me up with his whining at 4 in the morning. To be fair, it was Kiki this morning that woke me up, but Tomtom did the previous nights. I'm looking forward to Sunday when they again leave my domain.

I got FiOS last Saturday. I downloaded an episode of Bleach in like 30 seconds or something ridiculous. Tonight, however, when I tried to watch this video on youtube for the umpteenth time, it took forever. I didn't figure out why. I did a speed test to Seattle, and was getting roughly what I got the day it was installed, 20mbps/5mbps. Then I did the test to NY, and it was something like 16/3, which I guess is to be expected. Maybe youtube was just being slow. It seems that way, as I just watched it now without any buffering time at all. I practically orgasmed when I first watched that video. As sad as it is to admit, I've never been so excited in my life. I don't usually get excited -- it keeps me from ever really being let down. For this, I have huge expectations (based on the first two games, and the potential of this one), but if I do get disappointed, it's only disappointed that I don't have a way to wasting hours of my life. Win-win, right?

My old Quest teacher retired this weekend, so I went back to Port Orchard for her retirement party. She was an amazing teacher. Quest used to be called Project Life, and I always thought that was an annoying name, so I was glad that it was changed to Quest (years before I started the program). But as I was at the party and thinking about all I'd learned in Quest, a few things hit me. What we learned was how to think outside the box, but in a way that we considered the implications of what we were thinking. Something from Nothing, for example, let us be creative and use our imaginations to make anything we wanted, but also made us think of each part's practical use. SDS was more than a research project; it was a what have we learned from this project. There was this duality to the class: logic and creativity. And what I realized was that we learned how to live. We learned life skills and how to think in a real world. Project Life was a very apt name. I'm glad to hear that she hasn't fully retired. She's no longer teaching the class, but she's now teaching teachers, and if there's anyone qualified to do that, it's she.

For a while I was concerned that I was becoming addicted to spending money. For a while, though, it appears that's not really the case. I just bought a whole bunch of stuff that I really wanted very quickly, and since then, have run out of things I really want to buy. I have my TV, my snazzy vacuum, my XBox, PS3, games, a few movies, and my car. Now there's nothing really big on my buying list, except maybe a new bed, with a real mattress (I've been sleeping on a thick foam pad). I've got a fair amount of money saved up for day-to-day living -- enough that I don't have to worry about it -- and I haven't had to withdraw from my savings in a couple months. At the end of this month, I'll have another $3300 or so worth of MS stock I'll probably sell immediately. I think I can finally start giving like I originally intended a year or so ago. I don't think my $35 grand per year to live off of was realistic, but I can still give significantly more than my tithe now. The other thing I should start saving up for is a house. I'm entering the market at just about the perfect time. The thing is, I don't really know where I'd want to buy a house. My mom suggested finding a real estate agent, and having them show me around. Maybe I'll do that some Saturday in the future. I'm too worried about work right now, to think about a house.

On Saturday, I bought an Xbox game (downloadable and also available on Steam) called Braid. It's a trippy game. It's a side-scroller like Mario World, and actually makes fun of Mario quite a bit, like dinosaurs saying "Sorry, but the princess is in another castle." It's a whole lot smarter than Mario though. Time is all warped and distorted, and at any point in time, you can press X and go as far back in time as you want until you get to where you started the stage. Each world has its own quirk, too, like in one, time goes forward when you move right, and backward when you move left, so the positions of everything on the level are dependent upon your horizontal position. Further, you can't kill anything moving while moving left, because it will immediately come back to life. So it's basically this complicated puzzle game that will give you a headache from concentrating too hard. It's totally worth it, though.

I've been enjoying watching Conan move into his new role. I think he's done brilliantly -- certainly better than I expected, and I had higher expectations than I get the feeling a lot of people did. I like to see people succeed, so that's been one of the happier parts of my life, lately.

And finally, I'm now halfway through book 8 of the Sword of Truth series. Book 5 was really the only one I disliked. I was skeptical after that book, but I think so far, book 6 was my favorite, and after I accepted that Richard was never going to be the main character of book 7 (which I did early on), I enjoyed that one too. Unfortunately, it looks like you can't skip Soul of the Fire because there are too many consequences of it, so I can't protect you from the boring amongst the good. I'm finding a few plot holes though. I have regular arguments with Bob over whether they're plot holes or just things not completely explained.

So, this one isn't as long as other ones, despite the expanse of time it covers, but I didn't really feel like writing tonight anyway.